Helloooo, my lovelies! It’s so great to see you again. Thanks for coming back to my channel for my monthly beauty box unboxing. I can’t believe another month has already sailed by because what is time anymore, right???
Anyway, I just got my Glitzyglam and NailChic boxes from the package room in my building’s basement that smells vaguely like trash and sewage and I’m really starting to wonder if management is ever going to do anything about it, but let’s be real, the answer is probably not. Doesn’t matter, though, because I’m epically thrilled for this month’s video. I hate to disappoint, but I’m going to have to skip the Glitzyglam and NailChic unboxings this time because my mask box just came in, and I have to share it with you.
I ordered it from Amazon because even though I hate being part of a monstrous, exploitative corporate monopoly machine, it’s really damn convenient and I don’t know how to walk away from it. The guilt has been getting to me lately, but I find it really, really helps if I put some lavender essential oil on my temples, meditate for a few minutes, and shove the feeling down into the recesses of my subconscious so I don’t have to examine my own role in a failing society.
Now, the packaging on this is really great. As you can see, the box is a smooth matte blue with a perforated top so you can just—
Grab! And Go!
Don’t you just love that simple tissue box technology? Genius.
Now, I’ve never used this brand before, but the thousands of fake reviews make these masks seem really promising. I mean, I always know I’m getting screwed, but I never know how much I’m getting screwed. It’s kind of sexy wondering what the odds are that I might hate something.
Anyway, the brand is Suprema-Guard, and these are three-ply face masks for adults that can be used inside or outside. Pretty great, so far! The ear loops are elastic, and there’s a wire nose bridge to help keep things secure.
I kind of adore this shade of blue because it’s a perfect neutral. I can wear it with lit-ra-lly anything. It’s also perfect for double-masking because not too much of it peeks out from under my black Etsy mask if I need to step things up for a six-foot date in the park even though we’ll barely be able to hear each other.
Anyway, now that I’ve got one on, I can tell you for sure this mask is really comfy. Breathable, but I still feel vaguely protected so I don’t have to have another panic attack in the toothpaste aisle of my Walgreens when a stranger accidentally brushes up against me while I’m trying to decide between Colgate and an obscure natural brand that still somehow seems evil.
I know, I know. Toothpaste seems kiiind of pointless these days, but I indulged in a little too much self-care for the past year, so I hardly brushed, and now my dentist tells me I have seven cavities. Like, fine, Nick. I get the idea. I’ll start brushing my teeth before I pass out in front of Law and Order reruns, okay?
Anyway, I also love the elastic they used on the ear loops. It’s springy but not too sproingy. Just enough give so they’re not digging into the backs of my ears.
Yes, these masks are disposable, so you will probably get more of that gnawing sense of guilt every time you use one because you’re contributing to the environmental disaster that is now our planet. You can do the bare minimum of cutting the ear loops before you toss the mask so animals don’t get stuck in them, but even that feels like a shallow contribution.
Howeveeerrrr, the convenience and breathability of these masks totally makes it worth it.
Like I said, if that totally trash feeling sneaks in—the one that tells you you’re useless and part of the problem but you just don’t know how to fix it because how can one single person fix global warming when really, our governments and corporations are the ones who need to make sweeping changes? Right, if you get that existential dread, the lavender essential oil and meditation works wonders for pretending like you aren’t contributing to the end of days.
As for the nose wire, it seems fine. It conforms to my nose very well. You only need to press on it, like, maybe ten or twelve times before it stays down. My roommate Kevin tells me they suck for fogging if you have glasses, but he should get over himself and start wearing contacts like the rest of the goddamn world. I cannot wait until my lease is up, although let’s be real, I don’t know where I would move at this point that would be any better.
Sooo, final thoughts? These are perfect for a quick run to the grocery store so you can emphatically thank your cashier more times than is appropriate. They’re also great if you’re not horrified by the idea of going to a gym and sucking in air that is basically other people’s semi-filtered droplets. Highly recommend. You can click here to buy these babies.
Oh wait! One last thing! These masks are made in— huh.
The Amazon listing said these were made in the USA, but this Chinese quality control slip of paper indicates otherwise. Wow, it’s not even actually stamped. The inspection stamp is literally mass printed. This probably means I’m benefiting from forced labor, but I tried. I really fucking tried and what the holy fuck do you want me to do at this point when we are all complicit yet somehow powerless?
I mean, why do I do beauty box unboxings at all? The beauty industry is worth billions and profits off my own insecurities while simultaneously making me feel like I have a modicum of control over my life because I can define my own beauty. These products fuel capitalism yet also make me feel good, and I don’t understand how I’m supposed to hold yet another fucking dichotomy in my brain.
I think it might be time for another repression-meditation session, so I better go. But don’t forget to like and subscribe, and I’ll see you next time, cuties! Love you all. Speak your truth. Stay safe.
Nathalie Lawrence is a technical writer based in Chicago. Her work has been published in Rune Bear. She received a slightly wrinkled degree in English and Nonfiction Writing from George Mason University. You can find her at nathalielawrencewrites.com or Twitter @NatQLawrence