Photographer: Look to the left. Okay, good. Now to the right. Fine. Now look straight at the camera. Hum … Not so good. Your profiles are best. You look more noble.
God: It’s my nose, I think. It’s more regal in profile.
Photographer: Yeah, I think you’re right.
God: I’m always right.
Photographer: I suppose, but don’t forget I’m the professional here. I have a suggestion.
God: Yes?
Photographer: Would you consider trimming your beard and doing something with your hair?
God: What’s wrong with them?
Photographer: They could be a little neater. They make you look old.
God: I am old.
Photographer: Sure, but you’ve got to appear modern if you want to capture the attention of the younger generation.
God: My word is the only currency I need.
Photographer: See, that’s what I’m talking about. These days the kids don’t use currency. They just swipe.
God: They’ve become such a clever lot.
Photographer: You seem a little out of touch.
God: I’m tired, and my memory’s not as good as it used to be. Why, I used to recall every detail going back several millennia. Lately, it’s been hard to remember what happened in the last few centuries.
Photographer: It happens to all of us.
God: It shouldn’t happen to me.
Photographer: Whatever. Let’s move on. Can we get a full shot of you standing?
God: I don’t know … I’ve put on weight.
Photographer: Look, you need some good glossy eight by tens for your second coming.
God: That’s not me. It’s my son.
Photographer: Oh, right.
God: If he remembers. He’s been difficult recently.
Photographer: If you’ve raised him properly, he’ll do his duty.
God: It’s hard. Single parent and all that. His mom died, you know.
Photographer: Yeah, I read about that. Come on. Stand up and let’s get the shot. With digital editing, I can shave a few pounds off.
God: That’s a miracle worthy of me.
Photographer: Don’t be hard on yourself. You can only do so much.
God: But the pressure to be perfect is pretty intense.
Photographer: Is that white robe all you have? Royal blue would set off your white hair nicely.
God: The faithful expect it.
Photographer: Okay, let’s get this done. Stand up. That’s right. Give me a quarter turn. Great. Now the other way. Yes. Perfect.
God: May I sit now?
Photographer: Sure, we’re done.
God: Thank God.
Photographer: That’s funny.
God: It’s an easy joke.
Photographer: I’ll get these developed soon.
God: When will they be ready?
Photographer: In a couple of weeks. My assistant, Mr. Iscariot, will give you a call.
Ken Wetherington lives in Durham, North Carolina with his wife and two dogs. His stories have appeared in Ginosko Literary Journal, The Fable Online, Borrowed Solace: A Journal of Literary Ramblings, The Remington Review, Waymark Literary Magazine, and others. His first collection, Santa Abella and Other Stories, was awarded the B.R.A.G. Medallion from the Book Readers Appreciation Group in the literary fiction category. He was selected as “Writer of the Month” for May 2021 Elizabeth M. Castillo’s blog. When not writing, he is an avid film buff and has taught film courses for the OLLI program at Duke University. He may be reached through his website: www.kenwetherington.com
Twitter: @KenWetherington
Amazon: Santa Abella and Other Stories
BRAG Medallion Award: Santa Abella and Other Stories